Dude, where's my horse?
by Arrathir
Summary: Link and Fox go out and get drunk. The next morning, the don't remember a thing. Worse, Epona is missing! Rated R for swearing a sexual humour. Based on the movie "Dude, where's my car?"


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or products mentioned in this story, they are the property of their respective owners.

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            Link opened on eye and immediately shut it, blocking out the blinding light entering his pupil. He groaned and rolled over in his bed. His head was pounding like crazy. It was as if someone was repeatedly bashing him over the head with the Super Smash Hammer. He risked another peek and opened both eyes. He was in his room, in the Smash Mansion. Judging by the angle of the sunlight filtering through his window, it was about 10 A.M.

            Link looked at himself. He was in his boxers and for some reason; he was wearing one of Kirby's Pikachu hats. His clothes were nowhere to be found.

            _What the fuck happened to me?_ thought Link.

            He tried to recall what he had done the previous night, but his pounding headache took over. He got out of bed and stumbled to his bathroom. He crashed into the tub, as he entered the bathroom, losing his Pikachu hat in the process. Cursing, he disentangled himself from the shower curtain and popped a few Aspirin from the medicine cabinet.

            Crunching on the tablets, he made his way back to his room, intent on going back to bed, when he tripped over a large furry object. Looking down, he saw his friend, Fox McCloud, sprawled on the floor.

            The fox was lying on his back, mouth open. His usually perfect uniform was wrinkled and stained with vomit. He reeked of alcohol.

            "Hey, Fox," said Link, poking him.

            The kitsune mumbled something, but did not wake.

            "Fox!" said Link, louder this time.

            Getting no reaction, Link filled a large bucket with cold water and dumped it on his friend's head. Fox sprung to life, sputtering and shaking off the water.

            "What the fuck was that for?" he demanded angrily.

            "What did we do last night?"

            Fox paused, thought a moment, the said, "I haven't got a fucking clue."

            "All I remember is that we went to a bar and got drunk," said Link "After that, I don't remember shit."

            "I've got a fucking headache," said Fox "Where's the Aspirin?"

            "Box's in the bathroom. Help yourself, dude."

            While Fox was getting the Aspirin, Link tried to recall what had happened after they went to the bar. All he remembered was them drinking a lot and Fox making passes at a vixen waitress.

            "Hey, dude!" he called out "Remember that chick you were hitting on last night?"

            "Oh yeah," said Fox "She was fine!"

            "Maybe she knows what we did last night."

            "OK," said Fox "Lemme get changed and we'll check it out. I don't wanna know why I'm covered in puke."

            Link chuckled and got dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a black t-shirt.

            "You ready dude?" he asked.

            "I'm taking a shower," said Fox "Man I reek! What _did_ we do last night?"

            "Your guess is as good as mine, dude."

            A few minutes later, Fox emerged from the bathroom, his fur dripping with water. He was energetically drying himself off with a towel. As he turned around, Link noticed a patch of shaven fur on the kitsune's back. The word "DUDE" was tattooed there in gothic letters.

            "Dude!" Link exclaimed, "You got a tattoo! Hey, do I have one too," he added, taking off his shirt.

            Fox looked, and sure enough, the word "SWEET" was tattooed on Link's back.

            "Yeah," he said, "You've got one too. Hey, what's mine say?"

            "Dude," said Link "What's mine say?"

            "Sweet," said Fox "What's mine say?"

            "Dude. What's mine say?" asked Link

            "Sweet. What's mine say?"

            "Dude! What's mine say?"

            "Sweet! What's mine say?" asked Fox.

            "DUDE! WHAT'S MINE SAY?"

            "SWEET! WHAT'S MINE SAY?"

            As Link and Fox kept yelling, "DUDE!" and "SWEET!", Kirby walked into the room to see what the commotion was about. The puffball quickly seized the situation. He was thoroughly annoyed because the two friends had woken him up with their shouting.

            "ALL RIGHT!" he yelled "WILL YOU FUCKERS SHUT THE FUCK UP? YOURS SAYS DUDE AND YOURS SAYS SWEET!"

            Link and Fox looked at the annoyed puffball and said, "Sorry."

            Kirby sucked up Fox and spat him out at Link before walking out, slamming the door behind him.

            "OK," said Link "We go to the bar, find that chick, and ask her what we did last night."

            "Good plan," said Fox "But we can't take my Arwing. Slippy's fixing it up."

             "We'll take Epona," said Link "Just as long as you don't mind riding behind me."

            They made their way to the ground floor of the Mansion, finding it empty. The rest of the Smashers were out doing their own things. They walked to the stall where Link kept his horse, and found the stall empty.

            "Dude, where's my horse?" asked Link.

            To be continued…

            Author's note: This is a story I've been wanting to write for some time now. It's gonna be based on the movie "Dude, where's my car" but won't follow the exact plot of the movie. I'm going to throw in a few non-smasher characters. Review and tell me if I should continue!


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